


Forbidden Love

by RaeLynnHikari



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-03-15 12:49:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3447824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeLynnHikari/pseuds/RaeLynnHikari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"From the first moment I saw him, I knew it was love..."</p>
<p>A one-shot, short story of an Inquisitor's  insatiable love for Dorian, and the trials and tribulations of that love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forbidden Love

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the first fan fiction I have written and posted in almost 5 years! Please enjoy, give feedback, and let me know what you think! :D

     From the first moment I saw him, I knew it was love. I told myself that I wouldn't let such feelings overtake me, for there were more important things to deal with. Like the hole in the sky for instance. But I just couldn't help myself. The dim light in the Chantry hid his features; flashes of magic highlighting him, and that moment he turned to me, I was lost. Lost in his stormy gray eyes that held such intelligence, but also a sort of sadness. Lost in his witty banter that masked a hidden pain. Lost in the peekaboo of his dark sun-kissed skin through his armor; a combination of ethnic background, and days of youth spent in the sun, now permanently etched into him. I was hopelessly, and utterly lost in everything that was the Tevinter mage, Dorian Pavus.

     I didn't speak to him much at first, as I was trying to play it cool, though I was actually at a loss of words. Every answer I gave was delayed, and I feared he thought I was slow, when in reality I was so enraptured by the movement of his mouth that I hadn't really paid attention. I imagined those lips against mine, exploring the most sensitive parts of my body. I had had lovers in the past, but none of their touches even came close to the feelings I had by just looking and hearing him. Dorian waved a hand in front of my face, and I snapped out of my fantasy and apologized, saying I was distracted by the tasks at hand, and that I would try harder to focus.

     When I was flung into the future, I was terrified. This world, filled of darkness, red Lyrium, and demons a plenty sucked all the hope out of me. I thought of my companions, my friends, and prayed to whatever god above would listen to me. Then I saw Dorian. He was flung into this living hell with me, and with him, in this horrid darkness, there was light, there was hope. I saw our companions, tainted by the Lyrium, and I fought with that much more vigor to be sent back to my own time, to save them from this pain and torturous future. Thanks to the strength of my friends, and the brilliant mind of Dorian, we were able to get home, and stop this evil. I knew it was hard for Dorian, for he had to stop and defeat Alexius, whom you could almost call a father figure to him. I couldn't imagine what he was going through, and I wished I knew what to do.

     A few days after we got back to Haven, I gathered the courage to ask Dorian if he wanted to walk around with me. I explained that I was forced by Josephine to take a day off to clear my head, and I didn't really know what to do. I had been moving pretty much non-stop since the day I came out of the Fade, marked as the Herald of Andraste. I blushed slightly and looked down at the ground, waiting for an answer. Dorian laughed, asked what the people would think of us, the Herald taking a casual stroll with the feared Tevinter Magister. I got defensive, saying that he just helped me save the world from a future filled with red Lyrium zombies and how just because he was Tevinter, he wasn't a bad guy and if I wanted him around, that our people need to accept him as someone who is helping us, not hindering us. That moment, was the first time Dorian touched me. A warm hand on the shoulder, shaking slightly from his laughter, he told me to screw what others thought, and that he would be honored to walk around with the Herald, crazy passion and all. My heart swelled.

     We spend the whole day together, enjoying the day off from saving the world and all. For a time, I could be myself without the fear of my passion or feelings coming out. We laughed at The Iron Bull picking on his second in command, Krem. We watched Cassandra get more and more furious with us as we talked near her, looked at her, looked at each other, and shook our heads as we continued our conversations. Dorian got quite the rise out of this, the laughter and good times virtually wiping away years from his face, to make him almost seem a teenage boy, rather than a young man who's been through triple the pain a man of his age should go through. We grabbed a quick bite to eat with our companions in the mess hall, and brought the rest of the food back to where Dorian was camped. We were in the middle of an intense conversation about a book we found out we both had on our top list of novels. I smiled warmly, and felt my heart flutter as he passionately spoke about his favorite part, body becoming more and more animated the more feeling he put into his words. I could watch him talk about his favorite tales for the rest of eternity.

     Before I knew it, we were lighting a lantern in his tent, for the sun had gone to rest, and the stars lit the sky. The camp was quiet, occasionally a few voices here and there as everyone had turned in for the night hours ago. I started to nod off, but shook myself awake, for I was INSIDE his tent, alone, with just Dorian. The embarrassment and emotions that had disappeared while we were taking and spending time together flooded back, and I stammered that I should be heading back to wherever I was camping that night. I didn't have a tent of my own, I insisted on not being treated any differently than anybody else, so I shared a tent with anyone who had an extra space for the night. Dorian pointed this out, and stated that he, except on rare occasion, slept on his own. He said this was because people either feared he would turn them into evil mages or demons, or that they feared they would explode from his sheer awesome-ness, and asked if I wanted to stay since I was already here. I tried to play cool, shrugged my shoulders, and told him something along the lines of 'sure why not', though in my head, I was running faster than a dragon could fly, blood rushing to sensitive parts of my body, praying Dorian couldn't notice the subtle changes. After stripping down to just the sleeping essentials, I insisted on sleeping on top of the blankets, stating that I was extremely warm and couldn't sleep with a bunch of blankets. He looked at me, questioning my logic since we were in the middle of a snowy pass, but brushed it off and hunkered down to sleep. I balled myself up after I knew he was passed out, shivering, but fearing that his touch upon my body in such an intimate setting would set my body ablaze, and there would be nothing to put out the fire except engulfing myself in everything that was Dorian.

     I woke the next morning with blankets tucked around me, much like a mother does to a child before they drift off to sleep.

     I was lost in darkness, trying to find my way out. A voice called out to me, guiding me forward. I was in a cave deep under Haven. I managed to find my way out into the freezing tundra. I struggled to keep going, to keep moving, to not give up. Too many people relied on me, and with this new evil afoot, I kept going, because they needed me. It got darker, and colder, the thought of Dorian creating flames to keep me warm were enough to keep me moving. I focused on him, and the fire he held out to me, distracting my cold, still limbs from frostbite. I couldn't leave all those people. I couldn't leave him behind. The look on his face as I told him to go with everyone else and escape as I distracted Corypheus, giving them all a chance to escape, broke my heart. Dorian tried to fight me, saying that I shouldn't have to fight alone. I looked at him with a heavy heart, a single tear from my eyes, and turned to face my fate. I was going to make it, for him. A dim light in the distance. The smell of campfire. Blurred bodies running towards me. I collapsed into the snow, letting the darkness take me.

     Skyhold. The place the Inquisition would make their mark, and defeat the evils that plague the world. After traveling for what seemed like forever, we made it. As the Inquisition started to repair the keep, my companions and I traveled to the Forbidden Oasis, for I wanted to see what all these shards I had collected unlocked. After clearing out the giant, and the rest of the enemies, we camped at the oasis for the night, enjoying the warm water and break from fighting. I laughed as Sera did a back-flip off The Iron Bull's head, and landing on her stomach in a horribly painful belly flop. Cole came to sit with me and weave flowers together to make crowns, much like the ones I made as a child. His turned out better than mine. Even Blackwall cracked a smile as Varric splashed Dorian, messing up his perfect hair. Dorian zapping him in the ass with lightning in retaliation. Cassandra looked at them like children, and turned back to read, while Vivienne and Solas were having a casual, but intense debate about mages and whatnot. For a moment, it seemed like world was at peace, and I felt my shoulders loosen up from the momentary lack of stress.

     Night fell, and I snuck away from camp a bit, to sit by the waterfall and use the Anchor as a reading light, enjoying a book Dorian had recommended to me, one of his favorite childhood books. I was so wrapped up in my book that I didn't even notice as he came to sit next to me, book in one hand, a pillow and blanket in his arms, and a small flame in the other hand. I jumped when I realized he was sitting right next to me, the glow from the fire in his hand startling me. He set the pillow behind his back, threw the blanket over himself, and offered me some. Heart racing, I scooted closer and gathered the courage to lean against him, so at to not hog the blanket I kept telling myself. I relaxed after a bit, enjoying this moment.

     “I thought I would never see you again.”

     I barely heard Dorian whisper into the night. I marked my page and put down my book, turning my body to fully face him. He was staring at his book, not really reading it, sorrow in his eyes. I was at a loss for words. How could I make this man feel such sadness for me? I wrapped my arms around him, trying to convey my sadness, my apology, and my heart to him in that single embrace. After a few moments, I pulled away, but was brought back into an embrace by Dorian. We sat there, under the stars, holding each other, and I drifted off to sleep with the side of my face against his chest.

     I woke up the next morning in a tent, tucked in like I had been that morning back in Haven, after staying with Dorian.

     Weeks passed, my courage grew as I spent more time as the Inquisitor, stopping the Venatori, making allies with political parties, and slowly solving the mystery that was Corypheus. I became more comfortable around Dorian, and he became one of my closest friends. I even started to casually flirt with him, and he flirted back. It was a fun little game we played that always ended up with me smiling like the biggest goof ever. He was the first person I ran to when I had a question, the first person I ran to when I needed to tell a secret I heard the cooks talking about, and the first person I went to when I needed a reading buddy. Even though I spent time with Sera pulling pranks on people, enjoying Varric's tales of Hawke and Kirkwall, sparring with Cassandra, comforting Cullen in his decision to stop taking Lyrium, and spending time with all my friends, the back of my mind was always with Dorian.

     One fateful morning, Mother Giselle came to me with a letter. She explained it was in regards to Dorian, and after conversing about it, she handed me the letter. She told me not to say anything to him, and that she will in time, talk to him about it. I couldn't just sit around when his father wanted to meet with him. He never talked much about his family, except that they didn't approve of him. I went to the library, letter in hand, and paused to admire Dorian sitting in his favorite chair, engulfed in yet another one of his books. How could I love a man, love anyone, more than I already love Dorian? I walked to him, and explained the letter. He hung his head, sighed, and asked me to come along. I grabbed his hands with mine, smiled, and we proceeded to Redcliffe to the Gull and Lantern.

     Silence greeted us as we entered. It was empty, and I could sense Dorian was on edge about the situation. A man in Tevinter Magister robes walked down the stairs, and I looked to Dorian to see him writhing in anger. The man spoke to him, and I watched as the two of them argued. My fists were shaking at my sides as Dorian told me of how his father didn't approve of him. When I asked why, his face showed anger, but his eyes showed sorrow as he told me about him enjoying the company of men. Taken aback and confused, I asked him to clarify, my greatest fears clawing at the edge of my vision. He sighed, exasperated, and explained to me about him being a lover of men, and his father trying to use blood magic to change him. I lost it. Tears streamed from my eyes, in both heartache and anger, body shaking violently. I turned to the Magister, letting him see the rage emanate from my body, and told Dorian that we were leaving. I spat on the ground as we left, wishing I had venom to spit upon that fucking bastard of a father, who reminded me of my own parents so much, it hurt.

     The journey home was a silent one, a cloud of sadness hung over our heads. When we arrived back at Skyhold, I left Dorian to his own thoughts, and retired to my room. The moment I entered my chambers, I threw myself upon my bed and wept. I felt selfish, crying because of my own heartache. For I would never receive the love I had for him. Cried because fate had made me a woman. A woman who was in love with a man who could never love her back in the way true lovers could. I held my pillow against my face and screamed into it, soaking it with misery. I cried, not angry with Dorian for being who he was, I cried because I was a selfish, horrible person who wished she could change herself, so that I could be with him in all the ways one lover can be with another. Not once did I wish he was different, because if he was any different, then he wouldn't be the man that I fell in love with. I spent the rest of the night going through the stages of grief, and prayed that I would be able to wake up in the morning and address the Inquisition, and Dorian.

     I paced around the room, refusing to eat, telling myself that what happened this afternoon was just a dream.

     I threw papers around the room, screaming into my pillow some more, then proceeding to stab my pillow multiple times with my letter opener.

     I prayed and begged any god that would hear me, to send me back in time and make me a man, or make somebody else take the Anchor, or for me to have never been sent to the conclave at all.

     I lied in front of my fireplace, holding my knees to my chest, sobbing quietly to myself. This is when I heard a gentle knock on the door, and Varric's voice coming through it. I slowly got up, and answered the door, not caring anymore who saw what kind of disaster I was. Varric looked upon my grief-stricken face, and nearly dropped the plate of cheese and crackers. He pushed me back up the stairs, and into my chambers, forcing me to sit on the bed and munch on the crackers. He didn't question the torn up pillows, nor the feathers spread all over the room. After I had eaten enough to satisfy him, Varric asked me what was going on, and I proceeded to pour my heart out to him, telling him everything from the moment I first laid eyes on Dorian, to what had happened with his father, to my meltdown once we got back to Skyhold.

     Varric nodded and didn't say a word the entire time I spoke. After I had finished, he pulled me into him slowly, and held me as he told me a tale of two lovers who, due to their families and social backgrounds, could never be together. He told me that the two of those lovers stayed strong, and were able to continue, and even find love in the form of friends. He explained that opening up to friends, and sharing experiences with them, helped mend a broken heart, and prepared you for a future. He let me go, and asked if I was alright. After nodding and yawning, he left the room with a wave of his hand, a smile on his face, and I knew that everything was going to be alright.

     I woke up the next day with a heavy heart, but was prepared enough to face the day. You could tell my heart had fallen out the night before, based on the puffy features of my face. I got dressed, and left to fulfill my duty as Inquisitor. As I went through the day, I chanted to myself that I was the Inquisitor, I had no time for romance, no time for love.

     As time went on, I was able to push my feelings for Dorian aside, as much as they hurt, and we continued to be the best of friends. He would ask me if I had any romantic interest in anyone, and I would smile sadly, and tell him that I did at one point, but it wouldn't work out, so I focused rather on the friendships and Inquisition. After the defeat of the Venatori, followed by Corypheus, the Inquisition continued to thrive, spreading peace throughout Thedas.

     To this day, I still haven't told Dorian of my feelings for him, and never will. I will hold on to him, my malachite, my beautiful Tevinter mage, my best friend... For as long as I can.

 


End file.
